Amazing. Grace.

I think too highly of myself.

Rights vs. Responsibilities

A friend of mine not too long ago said that I was spoiled.
I asked why, and he said, “You’ve suffered very little.”
My response: “I’ve had my fair share of troubles.”
“Yeah, but those were ‘Orange County troubles.’”

Hiss, burn, ouch. =(

Partly for missions prep and partly for personal enjoyment, I'm reading John Piper's Let the Nations Be Glad (thanks, Philip Chung). The first two chapters on "The Supremacy of God in Worship” and “The Supremacy of God in Prayer” naturally fit in with my preconceived beliefs like the pieces of a puzzle.

But then I hit the most difficult chapter yet: “The Supremacy of God in Suffering.”

Suffering. Martyrdom. Sacrifice. Eyuw. Theologically touchy subjects.

Piper calls all Christians to anticipate suffering. But I realized I’ve suffered very little both physically and spiritually having grown up in Orange County. It’s no wonder why I grew uncomfortable and even doubtful when reading over Jesus’ promise that I’m called to “share in His sufferings” – “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also” (John 15:20).

It was like Sarai when she laughed at God’s promise in disbelief: I chuckled, “Really, God?”

But in the days following, I began to notice little pangs of guilt each time I chose not to suffer: $3.82 at Yogurtland, $28.30 at Forever 21, $13 at AMC Theaters… In order to ease this schism, I began to look for suffering in a place like Los Angeles – the “City of Angels.” And the ridiculous solution I came up with was this: I started divvying out how much of each paycheck I’d spend on giving to others – 10% on tithe, 20% on giving to missions, 10% on ministry needs, 10% on my own needs, 10% to enjoy with friends, 10 % on savings, etc…For a while, this slightly eased my pain and worry of “not having suffered enough” (legalism to the max, right?). But after about a month of ridiculous paycheck splitting and budgeting, it all came down to my desire to know God’s heart. I asked, “How much of a right do I as a Christian have to enjoy the pleasures in life, and how much of a responsibility I have to suffer?” Even in the context of ministries, like when Sarang Church or eCollege spends a lavish budget on ministry events like Christmas banquets or leaders retreats, I wondered, should we feel guilty for the money we spend that could have gone to feed hungrier stomachs? God, is your Church in Orange County “suffering enough?”

The matters of balancing Christian hedonism and ascetism seemed irrelevant when I found the answer:

1. As Christians, we have no rights. – (yikes, is that too harsh) Especially when we’re raised with the mentality of “work hard, play hard,” or “you deserve it,” or “if you want it, you gotta work for it,” it’s so, so, so easy to develop the mentality that we’re worthy if we work for it. If we paid the price, then it’s ours to keep. The time and energy we spend on our friends, our money, our achievements, and our successes become our license to entitlement and we claim the right to handle money/resources in whatever way we want. But the truth is that the only “right” we deserve in the eyes of an infinitely righteous God is the right to die. (Romans 6:23) I forgot that God paid the ultimate price and thus is the ultimate owner of my everything. My works are infinitesimal compared to His glory. If anyone “worked for it” or “deserve it,” it’s God.

2. We have every responsibility to obey. – As people who belong to God, it is a duty (no doubt a joyful one) to adhere to His ordinances! However, there is no requirement of us to look for self-induced suffering. Instead, it is simply our responsibility to obey the two greatest commandments: love God and to love others. And from that love sprouts good deeds unto others as well as the will and strength to endure any suffering. I absolutely love the way Paul words it:

2 Corinthians 8:8-9 – “I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.”

I think what both Piper and Paul are coming down to on the subject of suffering is that when your heart is in the right place, our actions naturally follow Christ’s example.

It’s true that I’ve suffered very little. But it’s my prayer that when the occasion for suffering arrives, I’ll be ready with a developed understanding that I made a decision to “take up the cross” and that in sharing in Christ's suffering, the glory will all the more be redounded to God.

I Learn From the Best

Mother Kim's "words of wisdom" on storing your treasures in heaven.





Me: Mom, I heard that man lost you $40 on Saturday. Were you mad?
Mother: No, I forgave him.. because the Bible says when you forgive others, God will see and reward you 30 times over.
Me: Aw, you're so kind.
Mother: So, God owes me $1200.


Haha, oh dear...

Are You Rational?

"Before you make any more decisions you need to answer that question.

A rational decision is based on testing and data and an understanding of the mechanics underneath the system you're working on. The more you know, the better you decide.

An irrational decision is based on gut instincts, conviction and faith.

No one is rational all the time. In fact, somewhere along the way we made 'irrational' into a bad word, but it shouldn't be." -Seth Godin

Naturally, I'm a more "gut-instincty" kinda person. Knowing this, I purposefully try to practice more logic. But no matter how right-brained or left-brained an individual, I think it's safe to say that everyone values reasoning and rationality to some degree. We value decisions that make sense, that save money, that save time, that are efficient, that prevent accidents, that are predictable, that promise safety, that ensure stability. In addition, we live in a culture that questions faith, ridicules mysticism, and discourages yielding control to others.

It comes down to that we value the feeling of being in control, knowing where the next step will take us, and making decisions that gratify our perceived needs.

But are we ever really in control? Do our rational decisions always lead to our satisfaction? Is it really true that "the more we know, the better we decide?"

With graduation in just 27 more days, people have asked me the question of, "What do you plan to do after graduating?" more often than I would like. Not that I'd prefer if they didn't ask the question at all. It's just each time the question is asked, it's a not-so-happy reminder for me that I really have no idea what I'm going to do, that I haven't reached a rational conclusion to my college career. =( So to relieve that anxiety, that void, and that uncertainty of what step I should take next, I found myself making up plans that traditionally have made sense to other people: travel for a bit, work to pay off loans, apply to grad schools...

But I wish I could answer the question of post-grad plans with the actual truth and the true desire of my heart: "I just want to pray some more." Or "I want to wait for God's direction when it comes." Or "It's my goal to trust God's sovereignty through my uncertainties."

Rationality is overrated when it comes into comparison with trusting God's good, pleasing, and perfect will. Ultimately, before I seek out a rational decisions, it'd be more "rational" (ha-ha) to seek out God's way first.

So, does it hurt to be a little more "irrational" -- less focused on mechanics, systems, and credibility? Maybe not. After all, prayer is an irrational act of faith, worship is the product of irrational and overflowing rejoicing, and God's sacrifice of His Son to die on the cross for an imperfect people is an irrational atonement.

So, as far as what I plan to do after graduating? I guess I plan to pray. Simply pray. And wait. And then obey. I don't have to know where I should step next, why I step there, or how that step will affect my future. Neither do I have to prove to others the worth of my decision. I don't even have to exactly understand how praying will help. But I'll pray simply because whether I understand His plan or not, I know that by praying I surrender both my rationality and irrationality to His will.

In the end, I guess my reflection on the question in the title has nothing to do with rationality or irrationality. I've been reminded to simply be more prayerful, with eyes fixed on God's standards and less on others' standards. In all that we do, in all that we seek, and in all that we plan, Soli deo Gloria - may glory be to God alone.

This post is my reflection on Seth Godin's entry.